


A Wrong Turn Somewhere

by laurus_nobilis



Category: Discworld - Terry Pratchett, xxxHoLic
Genre: Crossover, F/M, Gen, Implied Relationships
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-12-04
Updated: 2012-12-04
Packaged: 2017-11-20 07:36:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,573
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/582898
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/laurus_nobilis/pseuds/laurus_nobilis
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Stupid wizards always get on Granny's nerves. And they never ask for directions.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Wrong Turn Somewhere

Granny Weatherwax stared at the man who had just popped into her garden. He was obviously not from Lancre, but that wasn't what bothered her about him; she had seen far stranger things than a random foreigner suddenly appearing in front of her house. There was something much more annoying about him.

He was a wizard.

Of that she was sure, even if he didn't look like the ones she knew. He seemed to be young – he didn't _feel_ young, but he had obviously taken the trouble to make all signs of age go unnoticed, and that was suspicious in and of itself – and surprisingly healthy. Even so, she could tell what he really was. She would have known it even if he wasn't wearing those ridiculous robes; in fact, she would have known it even if his stupid magic hadn't caused a disturbance big enough to wake her up in the middle of the night.

It was all about the way he looked around in awe. He had the air of someone who wasted his brains on completely impractical things. She had to cough three times to get his attention.

"Good night," he said when he saw her at last, smiling politely. "Forgive me for disturbing your sleep. I must have taken a wrong turn somewhere."

"Well, of course," she chided him. "Don't know where you wanted to pop up, lad, but I bet it's not Lancre."

"No, not really," he admitted. "I was aiming for Ankh-Morpork. It's one of my first attempts to use this... ah, travel method. I usually just go for L-Space. Not that bad for a beginner, though, don't you think? I _did_ get to the right world, at least. That's a start."

"Do you always ramble like this?" Granny asked, arms crossed. He chuckled a little, but then he noticed her expression and immediately shut up.

"I'm sorry," he said sheepishly. "I get a little carried away, sometimes. I mean, with something as fascinating as... um. Yes. Sorry." There was a short moment of silence, and then he muttered to himself, "... maybe she _did_ mean it when she said she was the expert this time."

Something clicked on Granny's head then. There was only one explanation for travelling between worlds, "she" as an expert about it, and rambling fools showing up in the middle of the night.

"You are That Wizard," she said. He grinned.

"You know Yuuko?"

"Who doesn't?" Granny told him. "And yes, she is the expert about that, you fool. You'd do well to listen to people who know better than you. Now get out of my garden and go bother someone else."

"By all means," he said, with a polite bow, but then he seemed to hesitate for an instant. "It's just. Er."

" _What_?"

"Would you happen to know how can I get to the Unseen University?"

Granny slapped her forehead and sighed. It was going to be a long night.

* * *

The walk towards town felt twice as long as usual, with that ridiculous man stopping every ten seconds to look around and asking her convoluted questions that only a wizard would have thought about. Granny couldn't see what he found so fascinating about the place. Hadn't he ever been in a forest before? No wonder Yuuko complained about him so much. It felt as if he never stopped talking, not even to hear the answers to his own questions (not that he would have needed to, since Granny's replies were mostly monosyllabic; but it was the principle of the thing what counted).

At last, they arrived at Nanny Ogg's house. She should know how to deal with the man. And, even if she didn't, Granny would be more than happy to rid herself of her unexpected visitor. She knocked at the door with a lot more force than what was needed in this silence.

There was no answer.

“I believe they must be asleep,” Clow said after a few moments of silence.

She ignored him and knocked even harder.

“Open up, Gytha,” she insisted. “You need to see this.”

There was a sound of steps coming from inside the house, and at last the door creaked open. Greebo stormed out as fast as a rocket. Clow managed to get out of his way – Granny had the distinct feeling that he'd seen the cat coming – but he still look horrified at the sight. Well, at least he was being sensible about _something_.

Nanny let them in at last, looking very sleepy and still in her night clothes.

“Why're you bringing visitors at this hour? It better be important,” she said. “And who're you, lad?”

“My name is Clow Reed. Pleased to meet you,” he replied, with a politeness that could only be faked given the circumstances. But Nanny's face brightened for some reason.

“Oh, I've heard about _you_! Yuuko has quite a lot to say about you, y'know,” she told him. “How's she doing?”

“Right now, she's probably laughing quite a lot,” he muttered. She grinned even further.

“Bright girl, Yuuko. I taught her everything she knows.”

He seemed to think about it for a moment, and then gave her a horrified look.

“ _You_ taught her that awful song?”

“Now, what's wrong with the Hedgehog Song?”

“What's wrong?” he repeated, incredulous. “She taught it to the Mokonas! And Larg _will_ sing it in front of Watanuki's innocent ears, as if the poor boy didn't have enough trauma already.”

Nanny simply rolled her eyes at him.

“Wizards are such _prudes_ ,” she sighed. “Now, sit down and tell me what's the problem. Want something to drink?”

“By all means –”

“No drinks. For _anyone_ ,” Granny interrupted. “We don't have any time to fool around, Gytha, we've got someone here who shouldn't be here at all.”

“I _would_ like to go to Ankh-Morpork,” Clow admitted. “Not that I don't enjoy your company, of course,” he added politely. Granny glared at him.

“Really.”

“Really. But, you see, the Librarian is expecting me. I promised him I would pass by so I could borrow this new book they got, quite a fascinating treatise on... ah, yes, I _will_ shut up now. Sorry.”

“You know the way to Ankh-Morpork, Esme,” Nanny pointed out. “You could just...”

“ _No_ ,” she said, and there was no doubt at all that she wouldn't change her mind.

For a few moments, silence reigned in the room, while each of them focused on their own thoughts. At last, it was Clow who talked.

“There might be a way for me to go to the Unseen University on my own,” he said. “If there was some kind of library near...”

Nanny burst out laughing, and Granny muttered under her breath exactly what she thought about wizards and their unrealistic standards. He looked sheepishly from one to the other, and he sounded almost shy when he spoke again.

“Perhaps in the castle?”

* * *

Magrat tried not to stare, but it wasn't working. This strange man was polite and respectful, yes, but he was walking around the castle as if he owned it – even though he had woken up the king and queen before dawn just so they could show him the way to the library – and he didn't seem too upset by Nanny's rude comments. Only one of Granny's stern glares could make him behave properly, and even then the effect lasted for just a few seconds. Soon enough he was asking Verence ridiculous questions again, chatting with the ghosts and peeking around every corner.

“Are you going to take much longer?” Granny snapped at him the fifth time he stopped at the sight of a portrait to ask for someone's life story.

“Ah, you're right, I'm sorry,” he apologised; but of course, he went on after that. “It's just... this is all so interesting. I had never been in this part of the Disc before. There is so much I could learn.”

“Wizards don't really come to Lancre often,” Magrat pointed out, surprised by his attitude. “They go _away_.”

“And that's better, I say, because they bring nothing but trouble,” Granny interrupted. “And then who's got solve their mess, hmm? Go on, now, better get out of here before you ruin anything.”

“I'm not going to –”

“Yes you are. Wizards always ruin things. Hurry up and find those books of yours.”

“All right,” he sighed. “I'll behave. But I would really like to know this place better. Perhaps, if I had the chance to come back at some point...”

Verence seemed to get the hint, but he stared nervously at the three women and didn't dare to say anything. Magrat felt almost sorry for him, but this time she had to side with Granny. Once you invited a wizard you got a bunch of crazy old men asking annoying questions and making everything stink of smoke. In any case, Granny didn't give anyone time to get second thoughts.

“Library. _Now_.”

“Of course, of course,” Clow said. He somehow managed to walk until the end of the hall in silence, and only spoke again to say goodbye as he entered. “Thank you for everything,” he told them. “I hope we can meet each other again soon.”

And, with that, he disappeared among the rows of books. Nanny chuckled and turned to Granny.

“You know,” she said, “Yuuko's going to bring him with her next time she visits.”

Granny glared at her.

“And it's going to be _all your fault_.”


End file.
